Where's my drink, bitch?

Hey all. Just a quick post on the highlights of the 'Skunts & Mankers Tour,' which is basically the Western Knights end of season trip to Echuca. Being an annual event the tour is probably more looked forward to than any other time of the year within the club. It was once again a memorable trip, lots of relaxing and swimming in the Mighty Murray River - although I didn't consume much alcohol in my couple of days up there.
I have learned a couple of what-not-to-do's in my time away which include but are not limited to: (a) spending 8 hours in the Murray River is not really that good for your health, especailly when you have applied no sunscreen. (b) mud from the river is not to be used as a natural exfoliator. (c) throwing tennis balls in the River is not a good idea, sorry Pete. (d) don't drink in the river - as when you are under the influence, it's harder to tell that you are getting pulled away by the current until it's too late. (e) camp fires should not be used as a source of warmth when you have bad sunburn.
One of the things that I discovered about myself in Echuca that I didn't know was my natural ability to play poker. I had a basic grasp of the game, but never really understood the whole gambling side to it. But with the little obsessive compulsive gambler showing me the ropes (I can't mention her name, due to a nasty incident that happened when AdamMac mentioned her by name in one of his posts), I picked up the basics fairly quickly. My first attempt at the game wasn't too impressive, but after waking up with a nasty dose of sunstroke on sunday night I decided that I'd give it another go. Taking on not only the compulsive lady gambler, we also had two other seasoned gamblers in the form of Brett and Frewy. After wiping Brett off the table in pretty much no time at all, Frewy and myself were slowly but surely getting rid of the lady of the table. Then she decided, it's 2 o'clock in the morning, the next hand wins. Being the person that owned the cards we didn't really get much say in the matter. So of course, the next hand was dealt and of course, she won it. With two lousy pair.
Another thing that was quite amusing - on the Monday morning, young Rach received a phone call from AdamMac, who needed Mummy on the phone. Only hearing what MrsMac was saying to young Adam, was enough to keep all those in earshot in stitches. 'Yes Adam, the fabric softner does go in the middle part of the washing machine.' 'No you put the washing powder in the barrel, and the fabric softner in the middle part. Then you turn the machine on.' 'No, you have to hang it (the washing) up on your own, the machine won't do it for you.' Poor AdamMac, his mum comes up to Echuca for a couple of days supporting the club, and he struggles without her.
Anyway, won't crap on too much, as have been told that posts are starting to get too long. So anyway, for all parties interested - come down to see the Grand final on Saturday, both the Women and the Men are playing, and a little extra support is always good! GO TEAM!

Audition or no audition

A couple a days ago, Beckz received an email from the lovely folk at channel 7, inviting her to come on down to audition for the game show deal or no deal. I was needed to be there to support her, as poor Beckz has this idea in her head that it is somewhat uncool to be seen in public all by yourself. So using the line that I would be getting the fame and riches that I deserve for putting up with her shit for the last 20 years, I was convinced to go with her.
Upon our very early arrival, we decided that the 12 pokie machines that were in the club were in more need of our money than ourselves, so proceeded to donate our last few cents into the machine. Before making myself totally destitute, I saved the last few credits and pulled my last $10. Discussing what we would do with the next 40 minutes we decided to head to the bar to spend my last couple of dollars on a drink, where I was rather excited and embarrassed to find that I had pulled $19 out of the machine instead of $10. So after being called as stupid as AdamMac for not even realizing what I had done, we bought a couple of drinks where the lovely bar staff gave us some auditioning advice for the show.
Come 4pm, we finally got in to the audition. It was quite an exciting little event, with the little bald guy thanking us for coming and explaining the procedures and getting us to fill out the form and then line up and get our photo taken. It was then that the genius that is my sister realized that she forgot to bring pens to fill out the forms. So after begging the two kind ladies next to us to use their pens we finally got the forms filled out. Then, we had to wait a good half an hour in line to get a 30 second interview with a couple of ladies that were more than happy to take my photo. Asking me why I wanted to be on the show, I told them that I was really looking forward to making a dick of myself on TV with Andrew O'Keefe, and bringing home the 50cent jackpot, which not only got a laugh out of the girls doing the interview but Beckz as well. Which pissed her off immensely because she apparently got her speech all prepared and because I made her laugh she couldn't remember it. After hearing her giving the biggest kiss arse speech I've heard in my life, we left. Beckz was convinced that if she didn't make the show it would be my fault. Because of that, I have to give her a percentage of my winnings. Which will never happen.
anyways as soon as I hear that I'm on the show, I'll let you all know... So it may be a while between now and my next post.
Onwards and upwards... MattyZees

Controversial Article #3

There is something that I really need to let out. Since there has been a shitload of controversy surrounding the last few posts, why not cause some more? The following is an issue that I am confronted with everytime I go out, be it the Shithole (Tudor), out shopping, pretty much anywhere really. Now, regular readers of this column, you'll find that I may sound a bit hypocritical. But if you pay attention to what I'm about to say, I'll warn you now, the issue of how you naturally look and what you wear to give you your look are two different things. So here goes...
Why must people wear clothes that don't suit them?
First example: (Tudor is one of the main places where you will find this type of person, but is not exclusive to) Fat chicks wearing size 10 clothes (for all the yanks reading this, a size 10 in Australia is the equivalent to about a size 4 over there). Because you wear size 10 clothes, it does not make you a size 10. I can understand that if you are a fuller figure person, it is a little bit harder to get noticed when you are out on the prowl. But dressing up in clothes that show every fat roll and every bit of celulite on your body is not a pretty sight. Yes it will get you attention, but it is not the kind of attention that you are looking for. And it is not just males that will be commenting about it - women can be just as nasty in their judgments when it comes to clothes. There is also a belief out there that large women are allowed to wear extremely short skirts. Listen ladies, if you want to accentuate those elephant legs of yours, especially to highlight the celulite that starts at your knee caps and doesn't finish till your neck, go right ahead. But please remember to stay home when you do so. There is nothing worse than going shopping/clubbing and seeing fat chick in outfits that reveal far too much. More so when out clubbing, because these women are pissed most of the time and think that they are shit hot. GET A MIRROR YOU IDIOTS!
Second example: Chicks wearing shirts/dresses and forgetting to put their tits in them. Okay, so it's not a completely bad thing. But I believe that if you leave something to the imagination, the mystery is more sexy than some skank that just has it all hanging there.
Third example: Goths. Enough said.
Fourth example: Hipster jeans, yes they are are out people! Get over them! There is nothing worse than seeing a person in hipsters bending over and displaying their underwear to the world. There has been one time (where else but Werribee Plaza, shopping with my good friend Amanda) where the hipsters were so bloody low, you could the the top half of Tasmania sticking out above this girls jeans - not pretty.
Fifth example: Socks are made in pairs, if people were meant to wear a different sock on each foot, they would be sold individually.
The point of the story is this. Dressing up in clothes that make you look slutty and/or cheap is not the way to grab attention. Even if you think that the attention that you are getting is all positive, because people are looking at you, think again. If I see someone that dresses up all slutty, I would have a low opinion from the word go. I believe that the way you dress and present yourself is a reflection of your character. If you dress like a slut, people perceive you to be one. First impressions suck, but we all make them. I would rather have a average looking chick with a great sense of style than have a hot chick that dresses trash. Think about it next time you go clubbing ladies (and gents), just because you don't have to see how bad you look when you go out, there is to make the rest of us see it.