Talking shit

There has been a bit of frustration around the MattyZees household for the couple of days. Firstly, I have started the big job search. Which has only resulted in sending off one email, and then following up with hours on the PS2, playing Final Fantasy X. Which isn't really that frustrating. But now I've been hit with the fact that I have very little money and a big trip to Echuca on the weekend (not even worrying about the bills at this stage!).
Secondly, and probably the most frustrating thing at the moment would have to be what has become known as 'toilet-bowl-too-smallitis.' It isn't something that is funny while it is happening, but in hindsight - it's bloody hilarious. It is a problem that our family has only a handful of times a year, but it is a major problem. It basically comes down to my younger brothers bowel problem, for those of you that don't know him, he's a happy go lucky kid. Always happy and chirpy, and rarely gets the shits. Which is the problem. Because of this problem, he gets what I'll call ... Trying to be diplomatic ... Blockages. These blockages over time build up, until, when he's got to go, he's got to go!
Lo and behold, 45 minutes later, a lot thinner and a lot more relaxed younger brother re-appears from the small room and rejoins the family. But unknown to the rest of the family, he has left the rest of us a gift. This gift was discovered by Beckz, who yelled the house down upon it's discovery. Not really caring too much about Beckz, we let her crack the shits and blame everyone on conspiring against her for leaving such a foul little present in the toilet. Nothing further was really said about it until after taking excessive amounts of caffeine, I was forced to answer natures call. As I lifted the seat I was confronted with what I can only describe as quite possibly the biggest piece of shit that I have ever come across in my entire life. Because of the enormity of this turd, I simply can not bring myself to look at it while taking a slash. So I was left with the only possible option. Flush it.
As the water was flushing down the bowl, I was looking down with the biggest grin on my face, thinking I had won the war. Then, I was confronted with a terrible sight. It hadn't moved! Again flushing, I thought, no way. This sucker was going down. So with the next flush, I thought, maybe now I would be able to take a piss without this monster looking back up at me. How stupid of me, it still did not move. I was beginning to get a bit frustrated, this piece of shit after 2 consecutive flushes, had not moved, let alone flushed. It was quite upsetting, so conceding defeat, I went out the back and did my business the old fashioned way. I conceded that, yes, the battle was lost, but not the war.
Two days later, we had finally won. It took a total of 24 flushes (that we counted) to get rid of. My brother, still today denies all knowledge of his involvement of the incident. He is more embarrassed about it than anything. But, why would you be embarrassed about it? The boy has a gift! If I could clog up a toilet with one piece of shit, I would be the proudest man alive. You would see me at every major shopping centre in the state, clogging toilets everywhere, just for something to laugh about. It's like a really good fart. Let a good one rip, and you sit there, silently smiling, and admiring your handiwork. Fair enough, the only time that I'd speak up and say 'Shit, cop a whiff of that, ain't she a beauty?!' is at a softball piss up, or in the presence of my mum, But regardless of where you let rip, you always take a deep breath in and think 'shouldn't have had that bowl of baked beans,' yet you still savour the flavour and be proud - it's a part of life.

Coming up... Controversial Article #3. Skank ho's in terrible clothes.

Clarification of a few issues...

Hey, sorry about the time between posts. According to feedback that I have received recently, on some of my previous posts I come across as a male sexist chauvinist pig. Which doesn't really bother me. The things that I crap on about on these posts, if you read the top of the page - are just thoughts that run through my head. If they sound sexist, shit - I must be sexist. But after sitting down and thinking about it, I have realized that I can honestly say that about 70% of my friends are female. The strongest and closest friendships that I have are believe it or not, are with females! The things that I write in posts and talk about in day to day life are things that come up in discussion with members of both genders. For those of you that don't know me that well, I am a very opinionated person. I am very rarely wrong, but hey nobody's perfect, on the odd occasion that I am - I'm more than happy to put up the hand and say "yep, I fucked up."
If there is something that is on my mind, I have no qualms in saying it. Yes, I do cop shit for it a lot of the time. I have got into trouble at times for saying what I say, but I believe that if you can't be honest with yourself or your friends, what's the point of opening your mouth?

That said, for those of you that read the comments made by the anonymous 'anti-matt' on my previous post should be aware that there is a poor soul named Betty* (not her real name apparently). Poor Betty has suffered a lot of abuse and verbal attacks since she started school. Firstly, lets take a step back for a moment. My first point that I would like to make in reply to Anon is: If you had read the post properly, I was actually talking about women defying the aging process. NOT about being picked on because they were butt ugly. But since you want to make an issue about it, keep reading. If you haven't read the comments by anon on the previous post, it would probably be an idea to, just in case you aren't quite following where I'm going.
Yes, I am the first to admit that women are very emotional people. For some reason, I seem to be the person that gets the phone call off a number of females when they need to vent anger, have some sort of problem in their lives, or just need someone to go out and have some serious retail therapy with.
Before I go any further, lets take a step back for a minute. For a collective group that prides itself their ability to convey their emotions and communicate well, my experience tells me that the human females are quite good at it - most of the time, not all of the time. From what I can tell about poor Betty*, I may be wrong here - and I will state that this is just based on my experience on dealing with a number of women, but poor Betty needs to lighten up. Poor Betty is made out to be the only person that went through their childhood and got picked on. Now, if there is anybody out there that has heard any sort of rumors about the kid that went all the way through school without getting picked on, please let me know. I'll gladly forward an apology in my next post. Kids picking on kids is all a part of growing up.
The kids that seemed to get picked on most - once again, this is based on my personal experience with females - is often the one that tends to use the teasing and the taunts as an outlet. Lets use an example, a friend of mine Michelle (I'll use a fake name since it seems to be some sort of trend at the moment). She was taunted because she was (and still is) quite tall. From there it went to nastier things, where everything from height through to sexuality were made fun of. But, the difference, I believe, between Michelle (not her real name) and Betty (not her real name) is the fact that Michelle didn't let the taunts get to her. She had broad enough shoulders (literally and metorphorically) to deal with it. Michelle used the taunts as a motivation to succeed in life. She had the belief that if she focused on more important things than kids that have nothing better to do than make fun of her, like getting on with her life, she would ultimately have the last laugh. Looking at her now, she is in a much better situation than most people I know. She has a fantastic job, where she is happy. She's in a good relationship, engaged four months ago, and she has a great circle of friends, in which I am proud to say that I am a part of. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't an easy time for her. But since the comments went up on the post the other night, I spoke to Michelle and asked: given the chance, would she change anything? The answer was no. I asked why, and she said, "well I wouldn't have had the motivation to get where I am now."
It took a moment to realize the meaning of what was said, but, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. For the first few years of her life, Michelle did cop a lot of shit, but she used that as a motivation - to be better than those who made her feel like nothing. Look at her today, she's living the life. Perfectly happy. She has gone through the worst, and now she's reaping the rewards.
In conclusion, I have seen the best and the worst of people. Many can be cruel, many more can be unkind. If there are people out there that have to resort to physical attacks, take it in a positive light. They must only be shitcanning your physical appearance, simply because your character can't be faulted. I would rather be bagged for what I look like. Not what I am.